I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
