Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
