I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
