haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
