i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
