His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
home. puking in laundry basket.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
