youre lurking in front of me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize