I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
