Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize