I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
