areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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