the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize