Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
