well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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