I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
