I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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