At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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