Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
how drunk are you?
Several
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
