I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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