whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
