i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
