I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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