He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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