I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
