i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
