i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
