When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
