Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
