did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
