2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
