no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
