Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
