I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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