Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
