On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
