And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
