I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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