I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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