I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
