Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's always time for handjobs
Blood and glitter go together right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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