I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you traded sex for a burrito?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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