So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
