So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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