The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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