i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
