spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
