my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
