Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wear drunk well.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
