Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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