just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
