I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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