I love black thongs
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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