At least make sure they are 18
Why
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
