no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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