just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
