I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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