Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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