Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
