you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
