Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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