She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
