I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
