I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
