I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
