I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
