Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
