Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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