Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we're so committed to being not committed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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