So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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