my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Randomize